KATHLEEN NORTH - page 3

Travelling back home at any point in the year feels comforting, stabilising and full of loving expectations but our journeys back at Christmas time are extra special.

However near or far your journey is, there is no doubt that we all travel with a warm heart and sense of returning where we emotionally belong.  Perhaps parents wine there to welcome us, family members or friends that have become our family. As we know, families and a sense of security comes in all shapes and sizes, ages and locations.

The weather might be seasonably mild or crisp underfoot – no matter. Whether we are huddled up in coats and hats or simply need an over jacket, inside, we feel warm and fuzzy.

All of us have a Christmas journey to share. It might be a joyous occasion or a situation where it was touch and go that you made it to your Christmas festivities in time.

Bernie Flynn from Bedfordshire had not returned home at Christmas for several years. Family upsets had made travelling home a challenge she could not face. Bernie continues, ‘years ago I met someone who I adored. I was head over heels about him. That Christmas, I wanted him to meet my family in Ireland. My parents and siblings were so excited, as was I. It became clear after a couple of days that my family were not too keen on him. It was really disappointing as I had naturally wanted them to love him as much as I did. After we left and I returned to England, the relationship with my parents became strained. They were honest with me and said they thought my partner was rather controlling. It was devastating.

Fast forward five years and of course, my family were right. My relationship broke down due to my partner’s behaviour. I felt foolish, alone and realised I had sacrificed the special bond I had with my family.

Last November, my mum called me and simply said ‘please come home, we all want to see you.’

The rush of relief and love was indescribable. I literally couldn’t wait to see them. Although my journey was relatively short, it felt like forever. To be honest, the emotional gap that had developed between us is what seemed vast, not the physical miles. When I arrived at my parents, it was magical. The normality of it, the familiar smells the same tatty decorations that they used every year. It was perfect and I knew immediately that the journey home that Christmas was the most important journey I will ever experience.’

Like Bernie, many of our most significant and poignant journeys back home at Christmas come from an emotional, possibly difficult relationship situation. As challenging as these reunions can be, there is also an extra special feeling that accompanies such meetings.  It is often the expectation that keeps us going no matter how tricky or delayed our journey is. 

When travelling by train or coach, a positive tactic is to make sure you are wrapped and have sufficient provisions. Even a simple sandwich and coffee can make any journey more bearable.

Food and drink certainly featured in a train journey experienced by Lisa Hamilton. Lisa was making the rather lengthy return home from London to Cornwall. It was a winter when the weather was unkind to the train tracks and the travellers.

‘As soon as I arrived at London Paddington, I sensed there were delays. Even for the Christmas season it seemed particularly chaotic. I just groaned and thought I am never going to get there!

Eventually, we were able to board a train to Penzance – it was quite a tussle. Although I had booked a seat it had bevy’s bit of a free for all. Luckily, I was sitting with three others around the table and it soon became clear that my journey was going to be anything but dull. The two chaps sitting in the aisle took their lack of seats with good grace and even shared their considerable supply of fizz. My fellow travellers and I emptied our food supplies on the shared table and it worked out rather well with a mixture of sweet and savoury items to tuck into. Obviously we were fed up with being delayed and having to contact various family and friends to pick us up at different times but the whole experience felt like a real show of Christmas togetherness. I still keep in contact with a couple of my Christmas train pals. It made such a difference to share the experience with others who wanted to celebrate going home rather than become miserable because of the delays.’

Creating a positive travel experience like Lisa is a wonderful way of battling a potentially stressful journey and turning it into a fun filled occasion. Of course, it depends on your fellow travellers but at a time like Christmas, we all want to achieve the same goal – meeting up with our loved ones. Hopefully, that gives us the positivity and determination to make the best of a difficult situation.

Travelling at Christmas is so full of expectation and excitement. Realistically, we frequently encounter delays and travel related problems but unlike other times of the year, the prospect of meeting up with loved ones gives us the strength to continue and possibly even enjoy our journey.

So, like any journey, be well prepared. Everything feels more bearable with a cheeky snack and drink in our bags and during the festive season definitely do not forget to bring the Christmas presents too!

When people feel lonely and depressed, they will typically have low self-esteem too.

If you find that you constantly berate yourself for feeling down, think about what you would say to a friend going through something like this. Consider how you might be able to help them feel better. Rather than being self-critical, remember that you deserve compassion too, so treat yourself kindly in any moment when you are not feeling so good.

Loneliness is not an abstract condition that affects only certain kinds of people. The truth is that feelings of loneliness can affect anyone—young, old, and in-between—and at any point in life.

It’s not uncommon for the elderly, people going through a breakup, divorce, or death of a loved one, and young people to struggle with loneliness. Generation Z adults (ages 18-22), in fact, are feeling lonelier than almost any other population.

Loneliness can be due to so many different factors, and can affect both your emotional and physical health long-term. 

The online world can be a double-edged sword, especially when it comes to loneliness and social isolation. Log on or log off—which is healthier? It all depends.

• The online world offers non-threatening and convenient ways to connect with others that can help if you’re trying to overcome loneliness. Things like multi-player gaming, chat and message sites, even online dating sites can offer ways to interact and engage with others that’s satisfying for some people. There are also online apps designed to help you deal with issues like loneliness and social isolation.
• What about social media? Is it good for you when you’re dealing with loneliness? For some people, the online world may contribute to even greater feelings of loneliness and isolation. Social media, for example, can portray people who seem to be living exciting, happy-go-lucky lives with hundreds of good friends at their side. Reality is that this is generally not reality. Social media can make some people feel inadequate, left out, and feeling lonely. Bottom line, if being online seems more isolating than connected, it may be a sign you need to log off.

Volunteering is an opportunity to feel less lonely. Volunteer opportunities are usually plentiful. Contributing your time and energy, working alongside others for a good cause, can effectively help you in fighting loneliness. Volunteer activities are shown to ease stress, reduce feelings of depression, can help you make friends, and connect with others, and overall make you a happier person.

A sense of happiness, fulfillment, and connection to others is yet another way to stop feeling lonely.

Psychotherapist Elizabeth Ritchie believes that ‘sadly, loneliness is recognised as one of the most significant mental, physical and social problems in society today, not surprisingly exacerbated by the Covid 19 pandemic. It is prevalent among older people but many young people are also affected. Many of us who are lonely feel trapped in a state of social isolation and disconnect which can be intertwined with depression and other mental health illnesses.

The key to tackle these issues is in one word Communication! Avoiding speaking about loneliness can impact on self-esteem and can negatively affect interpersonal relationships

Health professionals have resources to support and can provide non-clinical services like community groups, activities, or emotional support networks and “Social prescribing schemes” are now being developed as a result of these challenging societal issues.

Some tips to combat loneliness

Spend time outdoors if possible to be closer to nature and fresh air

We are often happiest when we are mentally engaged so find ways to keep your mind active or at least distracted, i.e. games, puzzles, crosswords

Reduce your time on social media, however for older adults, this can be a benefit as it can facilitate crucial connections.

Keep in touch with your friends, some of them may feel the same way.

Be mindful of your self-care. Create a positive “to do “list. Include things that you enjoy doing, people that you enjoy talking to, programmes/films that you like watching. You can be your best cheerleader to navigate the challenging feelings and emotions associated with loneliness.’

Rest Less’s Lifestyle Editor Elise Christian states that ‘Loneliness is something many of us encounter at various stages of our lives but persistent loneliness (feeling lonely more than once a week) can have an adverse impact on our mental and physical health.  Research has shown that people who experience persistent loneliness are more likely to suffer from health conditions such as dementia, heart disease and depression for example.

There are some measures we can take to tackle loneliness.  The first step is to acknowledge it.  Sometimes we can busy ourselves so much that we can’t find the time to stop and reflect on how we’re really feeling.

Secondly, if you have lots of people around you but you still feel lonely, it might be because the relationships don’t run deep enough.  Try to foster high quality and meaningful relationships which are founded on shared interests or experiences.

Thirdly, focus on the positives of being alone.  Sometimes we have no alternative and it’s really important to be comfortable in our own company as we will all have times in our lives when we are by ourselves.

Finally, they say comparison is the thief of joy.  Sometimes loneliness can creep up on us when we spend too much time comparing ourselves to others.  Social media has made this even more common.  When reflecting on your own goals and achievements, the only person you should ever compare yourself to is you!  It’s hard to find true contentment if you’re comparing yourself to someone else’s so it’s a great habit to try and break.’

For more information:  

Liz Ritchie: Lizritchie.org 

Rest Less: www.restless.co.uk/press

Age UK is becoming a leading expert in loneliness reduction services, like the creation of the loneliness app.

Ageuk.org.uk

Certain seasons seem to bring more natural joy than other times of the year. Spring and Summer top many people’s lists as they are “filled with the joys of Spring” or basking in the warmth of the Summer sun. 

One of the reasons we often find happiness in particular seasons is that we expect it to be there, so we look for it – and we find it there. In contrast, if we expect a season to be miserable and dank, that’s likely to be how we experience it. Consider the thoughts, feelings and emotions you associate with each season. If you are a Summer person, you might think about having fun in the sun, enjoying the long days and warm weather. 

As Summer blends into Autumn and the nights draw in, it might be that your thoughts darken too, and your joy starts to nosedive. The best way to combat this predisposition to misery is to reset your expectations. Actively choose to find joy during each season. Identify one or two things you can celebrate in each season. It might be appreciating the colourful Autumn leaves, the glisten of frost on the grass or something completely different. Anticipate and seek out positive seasonal experiences. They bring moments of joy that transform your mood.

There are three key points that will help you navigate and manage any seasonal changes.

Exercise

Moving your body on a regular basis has far-reaching, positive effects on your physical and emotional health. You don’t need to train for a marathon. Walking around your neighborhood, doing push-ups, running around outside with children—these all have the same benefit.

Get more light

Everyone needs to be exposed to sunlight on a daily basis. Since many jobs can be done indoors, this often takes effort. But the benefits are great, physically and emotionally. Our bodies absorb vitamin D, important to our health, from sunlight. The energy and emotional boost that we get from a few minutes in the sun can be exceptional.

Talk it out

All transitions have their challenges, and it’s always easier when you’re talking to someone about it. Whether you are talking to a friend, colleague or therapist, let someone into your inner thoughts and experiences.

Person-Centred Psychotherapist, Helen Burke-Smith BA, PGDip, MSc. believes ‘the effects of seasonal changes on our mental health can be profound. As summer ends and the shift into autumn and then winter occurs, big changes in temperature, light exposure, lengths of daylight and intensity of light can impact our mental health. With the weather closing in and the temperature dropping, in conjunction with waking up to lower light in the mornings, we can find ourselves feeling more lethargic, depleted and less motivated to move or exercise. But is this always the case? Seasonal Affective Disorder is well documented, but the benefits of seasonal change are less well known or discussed. So let’s explore the positive impact of seasonal change on our emotional, mental and physical wellbeing.

Autumn stimulates the brain to start taking on new challenges because the bright visual contrasts we see in nature, bright reds, oranges, yellows, and evergreen leaves trigger the brain to respond to change. As our brains acknowledge the change of season, it stimulates a push for change within. We can use this push to implement new healthy coping strategies, such as journaling, walking, exercising more, or making healthier food choices, all of which can help us in the colder and darker months. As the temperatures cool, we can find it easier to exercise outside, we can take advantage of the cooler mornings by trying a run in the park through the newly fallen leaves or getting out on a scenic bike ride. Try counting how many different colours you see as you are outside in nature, paying attention to things around us and naming what you see can help ground us and reduce anxiety. Autumn can stimulate newfound gratitude for the world around us. 

Furthermore, the bright colours of autumn have also been shown to alleviate stress and anxiety. Nature’s wide array of colours stimulates the brain and triggers positive emotions. Furthermore, research shows that Autumn stimulates nostalgia by reconnecting us to memories of our childhood. Think autumn leaves falling, kicking, or diving into the leaves, foraging for conkers or biking through the trees. If you stop to reflect on happy memories, it can work to train your mind to associate autumn with a joyful time of year. 

A surprising fact about our mind is that, according to research, several brain regions (subcortical structures associated with learning, motivation, decision making and emotional processing) become larger during autumn, suggesting our memory may become sharper during autumnal months. 

But not all benefits and positive impacts of seasonal change are linked to autumn, winter too can have a profound and beneficial impact on our mental health. Winter triggers us to want to slow down. Although humans cannot hibernate, we are drawn to do something similar. We are drawn to stay more local and inside and out of the cold. We are more tempted to cancel plans, skip workouts and eat more comforting food. Is this inherently bad for us? No. We can take the winter months to reoperate, enjoy the pleasure of more solitude, contemplate more, and spend time with loved ones cosy under blankets or in front of the fire. Winter is a time for rest and digest, and restoring depleted energy levels. Furthermore, winter too comes with a trigger for nostalgia, watching old movies from our childhood, playing board games, and getting the time to read our favourite novels. 

Research suggests that, unlike summer, we are less likely to experience guilt for not getting out and about, there is more patience in winter and more time.’

Helen Burke-Smith

www.thepathwayclinic.co.uk

helen@thepathwayclinic.co.uk

So that fabulous season of Christmas is on our horizon. Only a quarter of us have finished all of our Christmas shopping by the start of December. More than a third say they leave Christmas shopping to the last minute. If you are part of the 33%, and wait until the last minute to start your Christmas shopping, you are also aware of all the craziness and rush you may face, not to mention having to navigate a significant number of people who are all doing exactly the same.

With that in mind, why not de-stress the situation and start early instead?

Another significant factor is the worsening cost-of-living crisis, increasing prices for petrol, energy, and other household bills. They have all had major impacts on the country’s economy. In fact, people have been warned that they face a very challenging winter ahead, with some facing a choice between food and heating when the cold weather sets in.

Here are good reasons to start your holiday shopping early this year:

Avoid Shipping Delays

During the best of times, postal services and shipping companies are always overwhelmed around the festive season. This is the one time of year that people send gifts to friends and family all over the globe. Unfortunately, added to the overwhelming number of gifts that are getting shipped, there are all those shipments to be expected any time of the year. Remember that there are still issues with the supply chain, so deliveries are slower than normal. 

Avoid the Christmas Shopping Rush

Starting your shopping early will help you avoid the holiday rush. Stores will be less crowded, and you won’t have to worry about fighting for parking or waiting in line. You’ll also be able to take your time and look for the perfect gifts without feeling rushed.

Also, starting early also gives you more time to shop around. If you start late, you may not have time to look at all your options. This can lead to overspending or buying gifts that your loved ones don’t want. By starting early, you can avoid these problems and make sure you get the best gifts possible.

Get Better Deals

Another benefit of starting your Christmas shopping early is that you’re more likely to get better deals. Many retailers offer sales and discounts on items that have been sitting on the shelves for a while in the weeks leading up to Christmas, so you can take advantage of these if you shop early.

In addition, some items may sell out closer to Christmas, so it’s best to buy them early. This is especially true for popular items like toys and electronics. By starting your shopping early, you can make sure you get the items you want before they’re all gone.

Avoid the Crowds

Crowds can be a big turnoff during the Christmas season. Not only do you have to deal with other people getting in your way, but it can make it difficult for you to find what it is you want to buy.

By starting your shopping early, you can avoid the crowds and enjoy a more peaceful, enjoyable and productive shopping experience.

What’s more, when you start early, you can avoid the stress of last-minute shopping and enjoy all the other activities that come with the holidays. From baking cookies to watching holiday movies, you’ll be able to relax and enjoy the season without having to worry.

More Time to Enjoy the Holidays

Starting your Christmas shopping early can also help you avoid the Christmas shopping blues. This is the feeling you get when you’re overwhelmed by all the shopping you have to do. It can be stressful and make the holidays seem less enjoyable.

If you have all of your Christmas shopping done early, you’ll be able to relax and enjoy time with your family and friends. In addition, you’ll be able to take advantage of all the holiday activities. You can go to Christmas parties, bake cookies, or watch holiday movies. If you wait until the last minute to shop, you may miss out on these.

Complete it quickly

Let’s face it. Christmas shopping can be a chore. This is especially true if you have to buy a bunch of gifts for so many people, and this problem can get worse if you do everything at the last minute! Not only must you hope that the things you want to buy are still in stock, but you’ll also have to rush everything to get packaged properly to look great.

By getting it out of the way early, you can avoid the stress and enjoy the rest of the holiday season. This ensures you can give gifts without looking like you’ve just been to a battle zone for it.

Time to Visit The Early Christmas Fair

Christmas fairs are a great way to get into the Christmas spirit. They are a fun way to buy gifts for your loved ones, and you can find some great deals there as well. And when you start your Christmas shopping early, you have time to visit fabulous fairs.

You can find everything from handmade jewellery to ornaments at these fairs. In addition, you can often find deals on items like clothing and toys.

By starting early, you avoid shopping anxiety and ensure your holiday experience is a smooth and enjoyable one – not one tainted with stress and worry as you fight your way through the crowd looking for gifts for loved ones.

So if you want to enjoy all the fun and excitement of the festive season, start your Christmas shopping early and have a fabulous season.

Do you experience mid-morning munchies? In frequent need of a late afternoon sugar hit? Suddenly feeling ravenous at certain times of the day is a common experience, however, a fluctuating appetite can make it difficult to manage our weight, as well as causing low mood and grumpiness.

Researchers at Anglia Ruskin University have discovered that feeling ‘hangry’, a portmanteau of hungry and angry actually exists.  Being hungry was associated with greater levels of anger and irritability, as well as lower levels of pleasure.

These two areas can help regulate your appetite:

Healthy Fats

Omega-3 fatty acids, specifically those in algae oils and fish may increase the levels of leptin, a fullness hormone, in obese people. Consume other healthy fats from natural sources like avocados, olive oil, nuts and seeds to control your hunger. Note that diets that are very low in fat may increase your hunger, instead of reducing it, so consider following low-fat diets in moderation.

High-Fiber Foods

Unlike other foodstuffs, fiber does not break down to be digested, it therefore stays in the body for a longer period and slows down digestion, making you feel satisfied all day long. Fiber-rich foods stretch the stomach, slowing its emptying rate and triggers the release of fullness hormones. More viscous, soluble fiber found in food such as oatbran, barley and legumes may be more effective in reducing appetite compared to the less viscous ones, while fermentable fiber in the bowel produces short-chain fatty acids which may help promote feelings of fullness and nourish the colon wall. High-fiber diets are linked to lower obesity rates. Foods high in protein and fibre are effective at generating satiety, because of their breakdown and release of nutrients.

Learning to control hunger is probably the biggest hurdle when you are on a weight loss plan. It’s a complaint people make more often than any other. Some people gripe about counting calories or keeping a food diary; others grumble about making time to exercise. A regular statement is that individuals feel hungry all the time.

There are plenty of tricks that can help you control hunger naturally. The first step is to figure out if you are really and truly hungry in the first place.

How to Recognise if you are Genuinely Hungry

Feeling hungry is not the same thing as “wanting something to eat.” There are a few telltale signs that can help you distinguish stress-related or emotional hunger from true, physical hunger.

First, ask yourself these questions:

• Does your stomach rumble?

• Is your energy level dipping?

• Do you have a little bit of “brain fog” or feel “cranky”?

If any of those things happen to you, you probably do need some fuel. These are all common symptoms of true hunger. When you feel this way, your body is likely to respond when you eat something—and you will probably feel better.

If you’re eating for reasons other than hunger—if you’re just bored, anxious or depressed—food probably won’t make you any less bored, anxious or depressed. If it does, you probably won’t feel that way for long.

If it’s emotion or stress that’s driving you, or if you got the urge to eat something simply because it looked good or smelled good, you’re probably not truly hungry. In that case, you will need to find other ways to deal with the urge to eat.

Positive ways to Control Your Hunger

Hunger control is aimed at curbing true hunger: the growling stomach, the low energy or the irritability that often comes when your body needs fuel. Since true hunger naturally drives you to eat, you’ll want to learn some healthy, hunger-stopping strategies if your goal is to lose weight through calorie restriction.

So, here are 5 tips to control hunger and curb your appetite.

1. Eat protein as a hunger curber

Protein satisfies hunger better than carbohydrates or fat. Try to include some lean protein at each meal and snack. Protein works its magic not only in your digestive tract, but it also affects your brain chemistry in a way that helps you feel satisfied and mentally sharp.
2. Fill yourself up with watery, high-fiber foods.

Water and fiber have no calories. Watery, high-fiber foods are “bulky” and take up more space in your stomach, so they help to fill you up. Most vegetables (except the starchy ones like potatoes, corn, and peas) have very few calories per serving because they contain so much water and fiber. Watery fruits like melons and pineapple, and high fiber fruits like berries, can also help fill you up for a relatively low-calorie cost.

3. Exercise can help control hunger.

A bout of exercise can suppress hunger hormones, which can curb your appetite. In order to sustain your activity, your body needs to be properly fuelled. Sometimes, in an effort to lose weight, people cut their calories too much and just don’t have the energy to keep up with their exercise. Therefore, the whole process backfires. People often state they feel as if exercise makes them hungry and leads them to eat more. This is more likely because they haven’t eaten properly before and after their workouts.

4. Drink fluids to help you feel less hungry.

Drinking fluids with your meals may make your meals feel more filling. Some people confuse thirst with hunger, so even though their bodies are craving fluid, they end up eating instead. If you stay hydrated, this is less likely to occur.

5. Eating small, regular meals can help curb your appetite.

When you eat small meals every few hours, it helps keep your blood sugar levels more stable throughout the day. This is essential since dips in your blood sugar can cause your hunger to spike. Even if you believe a smaller amount of food won’t satisfy you, the knowledge that you’ll be eating again in just a few hours often makes your hunger more manageable. 

Navigating our way through the working day can prove challenging, even if we enjoy our jobs and have a positive relationship with colleagues.

The one factor that can play a huge part in making our work life less stressful and more fun is humour.

As in practically all life situations, a little fun, an ability to chuckle at a potentially tricky moment can make a significant difference to how we cope with it and how the rest of our day plays out.

Feeling unsettled at work can result in a productivity slump so it is important we experience more fun in the workplace. 

The office may have traditionally been seen as a serious place, but the work climate is changing. 

Alongside triggering the shift towards hybrid working, the pandemic (and the working dynamics it forced us to adopt) provided us all with a chance to be more open with our colleagues. And as a result, more of us are leaving our work personas at home in favour of an increasingly open, laid-back approach.

That is according to new research from Linkedin, which has revealed just how powerful being emotionally open at work can be for workers’ productivity and wellbeing.

The research also found that humour is the number one emotion British workers typically share with their colleagues, with over half (59%) cracking a joke at least once a day.

However, this doesn’t mean that we are not sharing our more vulnerable sides. In fact, according to the survey, the pandemic has made us more comfortable sharing negative emotions with both our colleagues and managers; 57% said they now let their boss know when they feel overwhelmed, while 45% said they now feel comfortable enough to speak about their mental health. 

For example, the phrase ‘fast paced environment’ is used in job advertisements. Why do so many employers use this vague and stressful description?

Humour is a vital component to all areas of our lives and our wellbeing – the workplace is no different. In fact it is essential that for an organisation to bring out the best from their employees, it encourages and nurtures a fun but professional working environment.

We are all human and it’s okay, even for professionals, to show our vulnerable and humorous sides at work.

While you might not be in a position to make big changes in your workplace, this research proves that making small moves – for example, by opening up to a colleague – could make a significant difference.

Sarah Knight is the founder of Mind The Gap Business Academy. Sarah states ‘There’s a saying ‘laughter is the shortest distance between two people;’ not only does laughter lighten the mental load it also brings people together.

I have just been writing my thoughts on this whilst listening to my angst-ridden daughter laugh with her friend, and hearing her laughter was like a smile pass the parcel; it made me feel lighter, fresher and made me want to smile.

Let’s face it; there’s nothing better than a proper belly laugh, a chortle, a knowing smile between friends that passes round positivity quicker than Maverick can navigate a fighter jet out of a canyon.

Laughter enhances our intake of oxygen-rich air, and it helps us complete and relieve our stress cycle which means we are less likely to burn out, it means if we can then view things realistically and keep things in perspective. It can soothe tension.

A workplace culture that encourages fun, allows humour, that sparks joy will keep people happy – and we know that happy people are more likely to be satisfied in their job, more likely to stay in their job and if people get on with people; if they have colleagues to laugh with, they are more likely to want to continue working in that place of joy,” Sarah continued. 

If everyone is working together, if there is a common cause, a reason to unify people then there is passion, care, compassion and humour.

However, there is also a note of caution and a big pulsing poster of inclusivity. Humour only works in the workplace if there is no out crowd, if everyone is included, if every single layer enjoys the joke. Humour can also be divisive in the workplace; if there is a clique of clowns laughing at their own jokes, laughing at others then humour in the workplace can be a dark path to pushing people out.

Humour can bring people together if everyone takes personal responsibility for the impact their jokes and how their sense of humour could impact another human is a skill that needs educating in workplaces from the top down. It comes down to the core competencies of emotional intelligence; self-awareness and self-regulation. Understanding how you behave and how you see the world and the impact your behaviours have on others.

Embracing humour, finding the fun, spreading the joy in the workplace is an art. Done well you have a booming workplace full of positivity; done without consideration, without understanding your fellow humans and how they approach humour; there’s a danger of exclusivity, of isolating colleagues and toxicity.

So like everything in this world, it’s about finding the balance.’

Humour in the workplace is not only desirable but an incredibly positive part of our working day. Difficulties and challenges will always be part of any job but if we can face them with a sprinkling of fun, how much easier those problems will be.

Sarah Knight:

Sarah’s latest training course, Press Play Live. To join her next cohort, visit www.mindthegap.academy

The death of a figure as well-known as the Queen might not have the same impact as losing a loved one, but it’s not unusual to mourn their loss. Though we all knew the Queen’s death may be coming – it is still natural to feel shocked by the death of someone who’s been a constant presence throughout our lives.

We almost certainly do not consider what effect the death of a public figure will have on us, until it happens. However, it can be devastating. We may even go through the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance).

The nation derived a sense of stability and security from the Queen’s very existence. Particularly in her later years, she had become the nation’s grandmother, for some the grandmother they had never had.

As a result, the primary feeling people will have is a sense of disorientation. 

Now that the Queen has died, there is another dimension to the loss which we also saw when Diana died, which is a sense of guilt, that ‘maybe I shouldn’t have such strong emotions about the death of someone I have never met’. However, this is to underestimate the importance of the Queen in our national psyche.

Her Majesty’s passing was a moment Great Britain, the Commonwealth and the wider public knew would come, but long feared. For over 70 years, she ruled with dignity, grace and humour, through jubilant celebrations and devastating lows.

It’s fitting then that mourners took to the streets at Buckingham Palace, the former official residence and office of the Queen, to pay their respects to the longest reigning British monarch. Much like in 1997, when mourners of the late Princess Diana filled Pall Mall and the space in front of the Palace’s gates with flora, today the pavements surrounding Buckingham Palace are gradually resembling a colourful garden – each flower representing the hope, love, respect and sorrow of people from across the world.

It is impossible to simply see the passing of the Queen as that of a private individual. It is not possible really to experience her death in those terms. It can only be experienced by the majority of us in terms of the larger associations and memories we have about her role in our lives.

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Captain Sir Tom Moore is a poignant example. His passing was for many the passing of that era, the world war generation, and the Queen is also part of that and that generation is almost gone.

Also, with the pandemic, all of us that have older relatives have been confronted with their mortality and the fact that we will lose them one day. This might be hitting us harder than we would have expected because we have been living through a particularly turbulent time. Any death may remind us of our personal losses but, there have been so many in the last couple of years. 

With the death of our beloved Queen, we may feel we have permission to grieve all of our losses more openly, and as a community. This can be incredibly healing. If you are feeling sad about the loss of The Queen it is important to not judge yourself or assume that yours is somehow the wrong kind of grief.  

Many people have important relationships to the Queen, which have nothing to do with having a personal relationship with her. So what can you do to feel better if you feel you’ve been hit surprisingly hard by what’s happened?

This will be the topic of public and private conversations but being able to allow yourself to process your sadness is uncomfortable but healthy.

It is important to find a way to grieve that works for you on a personal level.

What did this person mean to you, and what did they represent? For Diana, it became the Candle In The Wind song by Elton John.

Maybe there is a song, an event, a memory that is cherished by you? Can you remember that and take time to share it in a way that, for you, honours the person?

People queuing to see the Queen’s body have told stories to reporters about how this moment of reflection opened up emotional space for them to release buried feelings about losses in their own lives. Rather than thinking of the current display of public passions as “hysteria” or “contagion”, perhaps we should think of it as a moment in which people pose the crucial questions: What opportunities are available to me for relating to this situation on my own terms? What might be involved in acting upon these feelings that I am barely registering at the moment?

Individuals feelings are going to be put to a tough test as the gap between incomes and the cost of living widens, the insecurities of European war disrupt their lives, and the health services they have always depended upon bear unprecedented strains. Amid such turmoil, risk and impermanence, the search for reliable constants is perfectly understandable. 

The Queen’s sudden loss can trigger feelings of a lack of control, anxiety and fear of the unknown. Remember that grief takes time, grief is often a period of adjustment and as a collective we will be adjusting to a new monarchy moving forward.

We need to acknowledge and allow ourselves feelings of uncertainty.

It can help to share our grief with others, talk with a friend, family member or therapist about how this grief is making you feel. 

Loss of any kind can provide a different perspective on life and lead us to revaluate what’s important to us. Allow for a time of reflection.

It is vital to show yourself kindness. Feeling anxious about change and loss is also part of the normal grief response and eventually it will pass. Reach out for support and assurance whenever you need it. 

Pioneering research has shed new light on what drives people’s basic food preferences, indicating our choices may be smarter than previously thought and influenced by the specific nutrients, as opposed to just calories, we need.

Today, more than yesterday, more and more individuals attach great importance to the development of healthy habits in their daily life. Between practicing regular physical activity and adapting your diet to a healthier and more ecological style, it is important to develop your nutritional intelligence.

Understanding what conditions our diet, or put another way, having nutritional intelligence will make our choice when we have a meal, much more genuine.

Although eating is a free act and in theory we have the will to eat well, do we really eat what we want? The answer is not easy. There are numerous factors which have an influence on our diet. From our dietary knowledge to our personal circumstances, including family experience, advertising, fashion, financial status or our weight. That is why we consider normal what we’ve experienced at home when it may really be excessive or unbalanced. We may decide to choose some food, not because it is the most appropriate but due to enticing advertisements. Perhaps we have vitamin deficiency because we are on a strict diet when we don’t even have obesity problems and so on.

Could our day-to-day cravings reflect the vitamins and minerals we are lacking? For example, do you crave liver, spinach or pumpkin seeds when you need iron? 

Dr. Hana Patel is a Private GP and Mental Health Coach. Dr. Patel states that Public Health England (PHE) have devised the Eatwell guide, for people to refer to in a bid to stay at a healthy weight and includes advice regarding staying hydrated. The reason for this is that obesity and not eating a balanced diet, can us to become unwell and be more at risk for conditions such as heart disease and cancers. Following a healthy balanced diet, consisting of foods from each food group which lowers our risk of getting ill.  Our bodies tell us when we are hungry, and we should trust our body’s signals to direct our food choices- which are specific to each person, as they depend on factors such as our cooking availability, what foods we have access to, our background and culture, the amount of money we have and our emotions and mood. These are examples of how we make decisions about what we eat at every meal. There are examples of when our bodies crave certain foods, for example in pregnancy, our body often needs more nutrients to help the developing baby, typically food that contain Vitamin D, iron and calcium.’

Dr. Rachel Taylor is a neuropsychologist, podcast host and founder of  UNBroken.

Dr. Rachel believes ‘The body never tells us lies whereas the mind often does. Being able to connect with the body and understand its signals are fundamental in discovering and maintaining optimal wellbeing and health with our relationship with food being central to this. 

Rather than relying on external cues and gimmicks where we outsource our bodily autonomy it is really important to start to ask our body what it needs on a regular basis. The majority of people understand the growls of hunger, but often eat so quickly and mindlessly that they do not feel when they are full or possibly starting to overeat. 

Emotions are chemical messages and are so closely linked to how and what we eat that a good place to start when listening to what our bodies want is to start to become aware of the emotions that we feel before, during and after eating. Our bodies need to be energised and they need certain energy sources to work to the best of their ability and often what starts out as a wanted source of energy can become one that repulses us if we consume too much of it. The body is really good at keeping itself balanced, however the external environment is not good at supporting this by confusing people in what they need and what they want. We need to slow down and really start to listen to ourselves and not be persuaded by external factors to eat what our bodies do not need. There is an increasing amount of research that is showing that the microbiome in the gut is responsible for either inspiring craving or repulsion for certain foods which could lead to unique, novel approaches to therapeutics through the gut in the future. So the key points are that there is a need for people to start to ask the body what it needs, listen to it when it answers and start to be curious about their emotional world and food. In particular what it can tell them about how and what they are eating. The ability to be conscious about food consumption and they confidence to know what their body needs to be healthy can be a game changer in terms of wellbeing and quality of life. 

We all need to be more connected with ourselves and take control of how we function within our environment in order to prevent unwellness and sickness, so taking time to start to ask, why do I feel like this? What does my body need? and What information does my body have for me will be a really good start.’

Dr. Hana Patel:
www.topdoctors.co.uk/doctor/hana-patel

Dr. Rachel Taylor:

UNBroken

No Excuses

We spend one third of our lives in bed, so creating a calming bedroom is necessary for relief at the end of the day. By creating a beautiful room, you can rest easy knowing that a third of your life is spent in luxury

1. Reign it in…  

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Beautiful bedrooms are meant to be soothing, comfortable areas, and the best colours to achieve that are delicate colour schemes: neutral colours like whites and creams or a light colour palette like lavender and light blue. This doesn’t mean that your bedroom needs to be boring—if your favorite colours are bold colours, feel free to experiment with different ways to add interesting pops of colour. Try out some bold throw pillows; a busy duvet cover, comforter, or bedspread; or even an interesting paint colour or wallpaper on an accent wall or the ceiling.

2. Make sure you can move. 

One of the best ways to give your bedroom a restful and relaxing vibe is to focus on the ease of movement, or how well you can walk around the floor space without feeling cramped. Where possible, try to avoid a lot of extraneous bedroom furniture in your bedroom so that you’re not tripping over bookcases and coffee tables or squeezing past bedside tables to get to your bed. This is especially important in small spaces and small rooms, where the space is so limited that you need to make sure you can breathe. If you’re having an especially hard time, think about extra storage spaces you could implement, like drawers underneath your bed.

3. Choose the Right Size Furniture. 

When you’re ready to buy bedroom furniture, start out with a floor plan and a measured drawing of the space. Furniture should fit the room it lives in—this is particularly true for bedroom furniture. Don’t choose a heavy, large bed and dresser for a small bedroom. If the ceiling is high, a tall headboard will help to visibly bring it down to size. If your bedroom is large, choose furniture that suits a larger space, too. Add a chair and ottoman or place a piece of furniture at the end of the bed to help fill extra square footage. Furniture and accessories that are too small will look lost in a large room.

4. Layers of light. 

Rather than relying on just your overhead light or a table lamp, it’s a good practice to layer the lighting in your bedroom, which means including several different light sources that you can toggle on and off for maximum functionality and cohesion. You don’t need a chandelier to layer your lighting—think about the different simple light sources you can take advantage of in your bedroom (like built-in natural light, overhead lights, floor lamps, bedside lamps, table lamps, reading lights, pendant lights, dimmers, and wall lights) and pick a few to include.

5. Distribute the soft touches. 

All bedrooms have one large soft item in them—the bed—which is often the focal point of the room. To help balance out the visual softness of the bed, try including that softness one or two other places, which will avoid making the rest of the room feel overly “hard” in comparison. Layered curtains, area rugs, or plush throw blankets are great ways to spread the soft look throughout the room.

6. Look Up! 

The ceiling is the largest clean surface in your bedroom, and most amateur home decorators forget all about it—so it’s a huge untapped resource in any room. If you want to give your bedroom a special touch, consider painting or wallpapering your ceiling with a delicate colour or pattern. If you’re tired of DIY tips and want an especially elegant bedroom look, you could even think about having a molded ceiling done.

7. Go for a nook. 

Your bedroom should feel like a special
sanctum where you can relax. If you have the space and are looking for a little something more to make your bedroom feel like home, think about ways that you can make a private nook for yourself. A window seat, a loft, or even just a comfy chair and footstool all make for great places to tuck yourself up for some private time.

8. Follow your personal style. 

When coming up with bedroom ideas, don’t get so caught up in decorating tips that you end up with a bedroom that doesn’t feel right to you. Your bedroom should feel comfortable and tailored to your needs, so make sure along the way that you’re asking yourself what appeals to you. If you love something specific—be it greenery or upholstered headboards—be sure to make room for it in your design ideas.

9. Go Tech-Free

Try to keep your mobile phone, computer, television, exercise machine, or other tech out of the bedroom in
order to ceate a cherished place to relax and renew. Trust us: You’ll love having a room dedicated to reading, sleeping, and romance.

10. Invest in Linens

Outfitting your bedroom with beautiful and luxurious fabrics is a great way to up the comfort factor of your space. As a rule of thumb, don’t buy sheets that are less than 100 percent cotton or linen with high thread counts of 350 or more. For sheets that feel like they came from a 5-star hotel, send them to the dry cleaner for professional washing and ironing, which doesn’t cost much, but creates a crisp smoothness worthy of the Ritz. 

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Bringing Holiday colour into your Home

We bring back so many wonderful memories from our holidays. Whether it is scent, colour, the architecture we have  experienced or the heady combination of all of these elements.

When we return home we often want to replicate those feelings, shades and atmosphere that our travels have offered us.

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Whether you have travelled overseas or to a caravan park an hour a way, you can find inspiration everywhere. Hunt for treasures in shops that remind you of your time away and look carefully at the window displays, the colour combinations and the materials. Be inspired by the natural landscapes whether it’s the colours of the tranquil beaches or the textures within the mountains.

Scent plays a huge role in transporting you back to that blissful destination. Find a candle that captures the essence of that favourite location. Burn some essential oils or fill your home with fresh flowers that have a fragrance that reminds you of where you were.

To evoke a holiday spirit in your home, comfort is the key. You want to create a room where you can relax and unwind. Remember the textures, materials and the colour palette that was used in your holiday accommodation.

Joshua Hammonds, Marketing Manager at Hammonds Furniture, offers advice on incorporating a seaside holiday feel into your home.

Sometimes we go abroad and find an interior style that just speaks to us and that we really connect with.

Our research has found that over a fifth of people (21%) find a coastal aesthetic to be the most calming interior design style.

When it comes to designing our own living rooms, it is important that we create a space that makes us feel calm and meets our needs and bringing inspiration from the places we love can help achieve that.

Although you can’t bring the pristine beaches and sunny weather back home with you, you can bring some of the interior styles back, and use these to inspire designs in your home.

If you want to emulate the laid-back feel and beachy tones and textures you’ll find in a home or hotel abroad, then there are a few things to keep in mind.

Firstly, linens and textiles in neutral and blue tones are the way to go. You should also look at keeping the colour palette of your room light and fresh, with some pops of blue to bring in that coastal aesthetic.

Adding rattan style furniture, blinds and accessories is also a must, along with lots of tropical-looking, leafy plants. Incorporating furniture décor in other natural materials can add extra interest and texture, and help bring the outside in. Accessories that use driftwood and shells are an excellent choice, but choosing simple, rustic wooden furniture could be a more subtle option.

Keeping the interior focused around natural colours and finishes can make your room feel as though you’re on an island yourself, helping you create an inviting and calming space to relax in.’

Ruth Lavender, design expert at Benchmarx Kitchens and Joinery, comments ‘Taking inspiration from a holiday destination for your home’s interior can help to continue a feeling of wanderlust and evoke fond memories from globe-trotting adventures.

To capture that holiday feeling in the kitchen, I’d recommend opting for a calming cabinet colour such as Cambridge driftwood blue or Nordica blue. These cool blue hues have been developed to embody the colour of sea water, transforming any space into a tranquil setting that can be enjoyed at any time of the day. They blend seamlessly with whites and creams to create a light, airy combination, creating a relaxing seaside aesthetic.

If you want to create that pared-back feeling that is popular in beach-house kitchens, aim for clutter-free surfaces to make the space feel more open. Utilise clever storage solutions, such as corner drawers and tower storage units, to keep kitchen surfaces tidy – creating a truly relaxing atmosphere.

Aim to allow as much natural light into the room as possible, as this will help open the space further, making it an extension of the outside. Bifold doors and skylights are perfect for drenching a kitchen in natural light, providing an open feeling that is so often experienced in holiday destinations.

If you’re looking to take inspiration from a tropical holiday further afield, consider replicating luscious botanicals by incorporating forest green cabinets and natural materials. For a more subtle update, incorporate biophilic design through the introduction of houseplants such as palms, cacti, and succulents.

Incorporating an island planter full of fresh herbs is the perfect way to bring more greenery into the kitchen. Design hacks like this should ideally be considered early in the stages of planning your kitchen, when you can really think about how best to customise your layout to get the most out of it.’

Whatever has left a memorable impact on you, there are a variety of ways to capture the essence of what it special for you. Even bringing back a small element of your travels can invigorate your home.

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New Property or Change Decor

Moving home can be many things:  thrilling, life changing and possibly necessary when jobs and schools are involved.

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However, it is also hugely stressful, expensive and frequently filled with apprehension, wondering if we have made the right decision.  This is why staying and improving our present homes can provide a practical answer.

Howard Birch is director of bathroom specialist Aston Matthews. Howard thinks ‘With so many people working from home and with open plan living, it is increasingly hard for individuals to find a quiet spot where they can relax and unwind.  Rather than moving house to find extra space look at the bathroom and see if this can provide the sanctuary you need.

The bathroom provides a quiet zone where we can treat ourselves to some alone time – reading a book in the bath has become, for many, an important time-out from the pace of everyday life.

If you don’t have space for a bath in your bathroom consider positioning a freestanding tub in the bedroom. Many boutique hotels now do this and the plumbing is fairly straightforward. You will, however need to consider ventilation and the floor surface – tiles or floor boards under the bath are preferable to carpet. 

Alternatively, create a spacious bathroom in the attic. A traditional cast iron bath looks lovely under the eaves and will certainly provide a relaxing sanctuary as well as adding value to your property.’

Lucy Pascall, Director, Pushka Home 

believes ‘homeowners looking for an easy way to enhance an existing kitchen or for renters looking at ways to put a stamp on their new home, by simply switching out their existing handles for a new design, transforming the space without the need for a complete renovation; saving both time and money. For those who can, re-painting the cabinetry will also help to make the space feel brand new. Alongside the addition of new handles, homeowners will have cabinetry that will look completely refreshed and styled for a brand new look, complete with additional accessories and finishing touches for a beautifully pulled together aesthetic. 

When designing a bedroom scheme,

it’s important to also consider the finer details. Consider updating your existing pieces of furniture before forking out on brand new furniture items. For example, by changing your wardrobe door handles or switching out the drawer knob on your bedside table, you can personalise your furniture and make the space feel truly your own. The piece will  also be completely unique to you, meaning you will have a stunning piece of furniture that will wow guests as well as be an interesting talking point for when people come to visit.’

Kelly Friel is the Digital Product Manager at Zoro, home renovation experts. Kelly feels it is important to ‘try making your home more spacious instead of moving house, such as with an extension or knocking a wall through to create a more open plan area. If you are going to invest in creating more space in your home, make sure to plan the renovations fully and understand any planning permissions that you might need to acquire, as well as creating a timetable of when your changes will be done by. This can make the large task more manageable.

Small renovations can make a big difference to your home. These can be cosmetic updates such as repainting walls, doors, and ceilings, as well as finishing touches like wooden staircases and skirting boards. If you’ve been in your house for a while, the finer details may have become a little lacklustre and sprucing them up can really refresh the property.

Repainting is an opportunity to change up the colour scheme of your home, introducing new colours and shades to really brighten things up. Try new themes and features like accent walls to make your place feel like new. Then, you can turn your attention to any painting or brickwork on the outside of the property — investing in how your home looks from the outside can affect how you feel about the inside too.

Installing insulation in the walls can be a big long-term money saver. All of these changes can increase your property value when you come to sell, as well as improving your comfort and enjoyment of your house while you’re living in it.’

Increasing storage can provide a welcome boost and added versatility to any home. Packmate storage believe ‘As people spend more time at home, space has never been so important. When storage is limited, your next step should be finding easy, budget-friendly ways of making the most of the space in each room, helping you save valuable money and time!  

When on a mission to maximise your storage space, start by clearing away the things that are better kept out of sight and mind. For example, any last season clothes, soft furnishing, shoes and bags would fit perfectly into Packmate Storage Bags! It’s as easy as folding and packing them into your storage bag, vacuuming out the air and storing either under the bed, on top of the wardrobe or in a drawer until you need them again.  

Packmate Storage Bags make it easy to keep on top of your spring cleaning. They can be used to help get your home ready for every season, providing a safe and organised way of storing your belongings. These vacuum bags are easy to access as and when you need and reduce to around 50% of their original size. Providing useful extra storage for any room in the house, you’ll have more space to accommodate your family and friends during the summer and, dare we say it, plenty more room for your festive decorations.’

Aston Matthews:

www.astonmatthews.co.uk

Pushka Home

www.pushkahome.com/

Zoro home renovations:

www.zoro.co.uk

Packmate Storage: 

www.buypackmate.co.uk

The importance we place on our travel destination cannot be underestimated.  However, what is equally crucial – if not more so – is who we share these experiences with. Soaking up glorious sun rays or viewing the Northern lights are memorable and enjoyable in their own right but without a wonderful travel companion, the pleasure is significantly diminished.

With travelling increasingly opening up to us, a fascinating aspect of holidays is who we travel with. Be it a partner, family member or friend, the chemistry, balance of personalities and ability to compromise over travel issues is incredibly important.

The right travel buddy can really impact the experience you have and even influence your opinion of the destination itself. There are stories of best friends travelling abroad together but to come home and never speak again or relationships really pushed to their limit. 

Here are some qualities to look for in the perfect travel companion:

Sense of humour 

When trains are delayed 15 hours or you have contracted conjuntivitus and a foreign Doctor has prescribed an eye patch – you need someone who will laugh it off with you. Travelling in a foreign country rarely goes to plan and besides, misshaps make for great stories. 

Interesting

Would you really want to sit on an overnight bus or spend the majority of each day with a dull person? Travelling with someone else means you will be in close confines for long periods of time. You need someone who you’re comfortable chatting to about anything. In saying that, you also need to be comfortable just sitting in silence.

While it’s natural to have conflicting opinions about things or places to see, it can work out for the best and force you to do interesting things you wouldn’t typically do.

Independent

If you and your travel companion do have different interests or priorities, you need to be independent enough to spend time apart. Maybe you want to go snorkelling in Dahab but your buddy wants to lie by the beach – who says you have to be together the whole time? A benefit of a group tour is that you can part ways with your mate and still be with other like-minded travellers on your tour so you’re never alone.

Low-maintenance 

On an adventure holiday, you have to expect to get sand all over you or wet hair from watersports and even a little sweaty if you’re doing an acitve activity. Evidently, a perfect travel companion needs to be up for anything and not a high-maintenance individual. Sleeping on a felucca in Egypt means there are no loos on board and glamping in the Sahara may not have internet or wi-fi facilities – it is the luxuries in life you need to be happy to life without for a short period.

In addition, a low-maintenance mate should be willing to try any food. The local cuisine is such a big part of any culture and while it’s reasonable if their stomach turns at the sight/smell of some out-of-the-ordinary local delicacies, it’s a great way to experience the culture and may even be considered rude to decline an offer.

Organised 

You don’t want to be a Mum on a trip – cleaning up after your mate; covering their expenses; or waking them up for an early bus ride. A good travel companion should be organised enough to remember their passports, not lose their belongings and be able to get to the airport on time, to name a few. It’s also a plus if they are not navigationally challenge and can read a map.

It can be difficult to find a friend or partner with compatible travel styles and personality traits but once you find them, you won’t want to let them go.

Vita Frederick, 23, loved holidays with her parents as a child. As with most teenagers, she then sought travel experiences with her friends. ‘It was great fun sharing experiences with my friends’, explains Vita, ‘but there was also a moment where I developed an appreciation for my earlier travel experiences. The important part for me is to enjoy both kinds of travel. Yes, the fun my friends and I have is, to be honest, age relevant but I can also share a different kind of enjoyment with my parents. As with most families, we have a shorthand and often known exactly what the other is thinking. Luckily, we also share a very similar sense of humour which is invaluable. My first trip abroad with friends was when I was 16. It felt terrific – very grown up and a little daunting which made it even more exciting. Since that holiday, I have naturally matured. I know planning is vital as are having contingencies if things don’t work out. Safety, money and simple common sense whilst away cannot be underestimated.

Now, when I go away with my parents, I am just as likely and capable of suggesting places, researching areas of interest and offering ideas of what we can do together. Time away with parents and those close to you can be as fulfilling and fun as with anyone else in your life.’

Whether our travels take us near or to more exotic locations, there are important elements to consider. Where we visit, time of the year and what we desire from visiting new places. Our expectations can vary enormously but one resounding truth is that it is who we travel with that can make a huge difference to the whole experience.  Our enjoyment is intrinsically linked to the person or people we choose to share these magical moments with.